A Sad Announcement

I am grieved to have to report the death of a dear family member. Hoosa the fish, who has been with us for nearly three years, was found floating at the top of his tank this morning.

The first sign that Hoosa had departed this earthly life was a little voice coming from the living room. “Sam, I think Hoosa is dead. He’s laying there all flat.”

Upon further investigation, it was discovered that Hoosa was indeed dead, that his tail had some sort of crack in it and that “if you look under the water you can see his eye and it’s OPEN!”

Hoosa lived a long and varied fish life, having had residence not only in the fish section at WalMart, but also in a fishbowl, a fish tank, and even a water pitcher on top of the entertainment center while the family was moving.

He is survived by his companion R, who is now condemned to swim around the tank alone until the end of his days, or until Art decides to clean the tank and fill it with fresh water, at which point he may be given more fishy friends.

Other aquatic members of the family who have gone to that great toilet in the sky include Jelly, Fluffy, T-Shirt, Spot, and the Borg.

A graveside memorial service was held in the downstairs bathroom of our home. The children marked the occasion by laughing hysterically as Hoosa’s broken body swirled around his porcelain tomb.

Memorial contributions may be sent to the Hoosa Memorial Fund, via our paypal account.


7 thoughts on “A Sad Announcement

  1. Haha…do you remember when you “fish-sat” for me in 8th grade? That stupid fish was so old already, and you said something like, “I think your fish might be sick, unless he usually does tricks like swimming belly up and bent backwards” That made me giggle every time I’ve had a fish die since then 🙂

  2. My Dearest Wife,

    My pen (figuratively speaking) is heavy and my heart is sorrowful as I sit down to compose these words of comfort in your deepest time of grief. My intercessions before God the Father and His beloved Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, on behalf of you are filled with petitions that our gracious and loving Heavenly Father might guide you through this most arduous time. I beseech you that you will alert me to any way I can help you through this most egregious time.

    In the eternal bonds of Calvary’s love,
    Mr. Arthur R. Kilmer, B.A., M.A., M.Div.(Pending), B.VD., aka Master of the Obscure Joke.

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