Small Voices, part 2

It’s that special time you’ve been looking forward to all week, when I post Small Voices– AKA funny quotes from the children in my life. I’m afraid the pickings are kind of slim this week. I don’t know if my kids just realized I was writing down everything they said and therefore stopped being funny, or if I just failed to notice. Either way, for more Monday funnies, click on the picture.

We’re at the eye doctor, picking out frames for Sam’s new glasses.
Ryan: Mommy, find Sam some black glasses.
Me: Why?
Ryan: Oh, just because.
Me: The only black glasses are either too big or too expensive. Or they have butterflies on them.
Ryan: Well, boys can like butterflies.
Me: Yes, but boys cannot wear butterflies on their glasses. Those are girl glasses.
Ryan: Are you sure he can’t have the black ones with butterflies?
Me: Yes. Why do you want him to have black glasses anyway?
Ryan: So he can be a monster.
Me: You want me to spend hundreds of dollars on black glasses for Sam so that you can play monster?
Ryan: Well, yes.
Me: Of course.

******

I’m at work. For those of you who don’t know, I work in an after-school program at a daycare. It is a job that brings great joy and fulfillment to my life, almost as much as scrubbing the toilet does. Anyway, we’re out on the playground and a little girl we will call T comes running up to me.
T: Erin! Look what I found!
Me: What is it?
T: A worm!
Me: Oh. How nice. Get it away from me.
T: I’m going to keep it as my pet. I’m going to name her Gabriella.
(I’m sure the writers of High School Musical will be pleased to know that there is now a worm in Iowa named after their heroine)

******

We’re in the kitchen getting ready for dinner.
Ten minutes before dinner
Ryan: is dinner ready?
Me: No.
Ryan: Well, I’m just going to go sit down at the table and wait.
Art: No you’re not. Go play.
Sam: Why?
Me: Say “yes Daddy” and walk away.
Sam: Yes, Daddy.
Five minutes before dinner
Ryan: Let’s go sit at the table!
Sam: Yeah!
Art: No. Dinner is not ready yet. Go read a book until we call you.
Two minutes before dinner
Sam: Can we come sit down yet?
Art and Me: NO!!!!
Dinner time
Me: Okay, boys, come sit at the table and eat dinner.
Ryan: I have to go potty first.
Sam: Me too.

******

Sam and Ryan are playing outside; Ryan goes back in the house to get something. Sam decides to try to peel the paint off the house.
Sam: Mommy, where did Ryan go?
Me: He went up to get the sidewalk chalk.
Sam: Why?
Me: Sam don’t pick the paint off the house.
Sam: (continues peeling) Why?
Me: Sam! Don’t pick the paint off the house.
Sam: Why?
Me: Why what?
Sam: Um . . . because.

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