Randomly Speaking

There are people out there who have a gift for saying the most random, ridiculous things. Sometimes the randomness is a result of simply not paying attention, or being off in la-la land. Other times, it might be the result of a complete lack of a sense of humor.

When I was a little girl I had a gift(?) for opening my eyes so wide it looked like my eyeballs were about to pop out of my head, a la The Mask. My parents referred to this as “Big Eyes” for obvious reasons, and as I was not yet old enough to sing ridiculously long songs or sew potholders for the entertainment of my parents’ peers, as a young child I was frequently called upon to “Do Big Eyes” just to prove to the world the we were, indeed, a very odd family.

In ninth grade (after I had grown old enough that “Big Eyes” was no longer my main means of entertaining guests, having been replaced by moping and mood swings), it was determined that I was old enough to wear contact lenses. So my mom and I headed to the eye doctor at the mall, because they were running the best special.

Dr. Personality did the regular eye tests– glaucoma torture, “A or B” torture, etc.– and then it was time to measure my eyes for contacts. My mother was not about to let this historic moment go by without due notice.

“Oh, Erin, I bet they’ll have to get you extra large ones!” she said in her best let’s-see-how-much-I-can-humiliate-you-right-here voice. Before I could let out a surly grunt, full of teenage angst, the doctor sat up and looked at my mother.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, I was just saying that she’ll probably need extra large contacts because she has such big eyes,” my poor mother replied, probably wishing (as I was) that she had never brought up the subject.

“I’m sorry,” the doctor said squiffily, “but your daughter does not have big eyes. Her eyelids are just far apart.”

“Oh,” was all the answer my mother could come up with, and really, who could blame her? At this point, I had forgotten my adolescent moodiness and was trying not to laugh at Dr. Personality.

“The only people who really have big eyes,” he continued in his most scholarly, humorless tone, “are albinos, and we don’t see many of those around here.”

Somehow Mom and I managed to suppress our giggles until we were out in the mall, and Dr. Personality and his far-apart eyelids have gone down in the family history books as one of the best jokes ever.

So, what about you? What’s the most random thing someone has said to you? Do share!

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10 thoughts on “Randomly Speaking

  1. You should be very grateful. At least you were never forced to stand on a crate and recite the classic poem:

    Here I stand
    All ragged and dirty,
    When the girls come to kiss me
    I’ll run like a turkey.

    That is what your dad got to do to entertain the family.
    I think you had it easy.
    P.S. When you come home next time you are scheduled to sing “The Twine Ball” in church again. Things are getting rather boring around here.

  2. teehee. okay, the pic at the beginning was as freaky as the blog you did about holding grapes with your eyes!! totally bugged me out!! LOL

    i had the ability at the ripe ole age of 5 to recite my ABCs backwards. one day i would not shut up (i know, that’s really hard to picture) and my mom and my grandma were getting highly irritated with me.

    finally they said, why don’t you do something like recite your ABCs backwards? **thinking it would take me the rest of the day to figure out**

    i sat there for about a second and started… “Z, Y, X, W, V, U…” you get the picture, right? i said them backwards perfectly in less then 2 minutes all the while my mom and grandma stood staring at me in disbelief and then could do nothing but laugh because their plan of occupying my mind which would result in shutting my mouth had completely backfired on them!

    HAHAHA!!! for the next 20 years everytime i was anywhere with my mom, she would tell me to recite my ABCs backwards. and well, i would and leave my family in astonishment. i personally do not think it’ svery hard at all but i guess maybe at 5 years old it should be?? i don’t know, maybe i’m just a genius.

    ๐Ÿ™‚ LOL!!!!

  3. Far-apart eyelids just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?

    I’m not sure that I remember anything random someone has said to me, but it probably happened when I worked at Walmart. Some people are just strange…

  4. On one of my check ups when I was pregnant with Katie my OB came in and asked “Do you like Begonia’s?” I blinked at him a couple times and then replied I did to which he nodded happily and then proceeded with my appointment. I was expecting him to mention the flower again but there were no follow-up questions or comments about begoina’s the rest of the appointment.
    I found out by listening in on his conversation with the nurses in the hall that he had begonia’s in his garden and they had just bloomed. He was a very spacey man my OB. Joel and I have many funny memories of him! ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Pingback: Unwrapping my Tuesday « Together for Good

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