How to Celebrate Halloween, by Stinky and Bubs
Step One: Clean out the pumpkin guts!
Step Two: Boss Mommy and Daddy around until they create jack-o-lanterns to your precise specifications. Then admire their handiwork.
Ryan was very adamant that his pumpkin must have a very big mouth. Apparently he thought he’d be able to relate to it better that way.
Step Three: Wake up from nap/Come home from school and discover that your costumes are magically ready. Refuse to stand still for pictures.
(Yes folks, this is a homemade airplane costume, created mainly by my wonderful husband. Isn’t he cool?)
(And this is a slightly blurry yet still amazing homemade Lego costume. Also made mostly by Daddy, except for the glue-gun parts, because according to my husband glue-guns are for girls.)
Step Four: Beg for Candy from people you don’t know. Graciously accept compliments about your adorable costumes by saying “Yeah! Can I have more?” Get in trouble and receive reminders about those elusive things called manners.
Step Five: Decide the adorable Lego hat, which Mommy made Daddy go back to WalMart to buy more paint for, is not fun and refuse to wear it. (Seriously, so it kept falling over his eyes. What a whiner.)
Step Six: Have a potty emergency and make a run for a friend’s house. Instead of “Trick or Treat?” let Mommy gasp out “Can we use your bathroom?” Discover how fun it is to try to go potty while wearing a cardboard box with margarine tubs glued to the front of it.
Step Seven: When people ask you to tell them a joke, tell the following:
Ryan: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Unsuspecting treat giver: I don’t know, why?
Ryan: I have no idea.
Begin to think that this joke is funny of its own merit, and not just because it is delivered deadpan by a five-year-old in an airplane suit with the propellers falling off.
Step Eight: With full buckets and tired feet, decide you’re ready to be done with trick-or-treating. Time to start in on that candy.
Step Nine: Have buckets confiscated by Mom and Dad, who will lovingly give you all the suckers and raisins and granola bars while snitching the Snickers bars for themselves.
Step Ten: (To be done the next morning) Ask if Halloween is over. When Mommy says yes, cry until she gives you a tootsie roll.
P.S. Why didn’t the ghost eat her Halloween candy??? She wanted to keep her ghoulish figure. Bwuahahahahahahaa . . .
Yeah, Mommy’s had a few too many fun-sized Butterfingers.