I am pregnant. I am not the huge kind of pregnant that causes everyone to rub your tummy and tell you you’re ready to burst at any moment (thanks, like I didn’t know that). I’m not the popping-belly kind of pregnant where total strangers stop you in line at Starbucks to ask if you should really be drinking that much caffeine and are you going to breastfeed.
I am currently the kind of pregnant that causes you to rush to the bathroom at random, unsuspecting times because you caught a whiff (or had a thought) of something nasty. I am the kind of pregnant where you look like you’ve started your own Thanksgiving celebration a month early, not like you have a cute baby bump.
I am the kind of kind of pregnant that makes you weep over everything.
When I was a kid, I used to make fun of my mom because she cried over everything. My sister and I used to rewind the kissing scene at the end of Anne of Avonlea over and over because it made my mom cry, and that made us laugh.
Oh, cruel and ironic fate.
Since I had children, I have become my mother in more ways than one, but the one that frustrates me the most is how much I cry over things that I know are dumb. And then, when I catch myself crying, I do the exact same thing my mother always does, which is to get embarrassed and start laughing. I have this picture in my mind of my mom sitting in her chair at the end of a sappy movie (or a Hallmark commercial), face bright red, laughing silently, with tears running down her face. That picture in my mind has been superimposed over my own mocking features. I have become that woman.
And now that I am pregnant, it is a million times worse. This week I have caught myself crying over the dumbest things. In fact, in order to share just how bad it is, I am including a list, which may or may not be complete, of the things that have made me cry this week.
1. Pictures of my friend’s son’s footprints on his birth certificate.
2. Video which my friend’s husband posted of their new son’s first moments of life. Now, this is perhaps an understandable reason to cry, but of course the baby was crying in the video, and then Sam wanted to know why the baby was crying, and I was trying to explain that it was good that the baby was crying, that meant he was healthy, and then Sam wanted to know if it was good, why was I crying too.
3. The election. And I don’t mean the results of the election. I mean the people on the radio talking about all the people turning out at the polls, and the great privilege to vote, and seriously I was driving my van to work Tuesday morning crying about this.
4. Various scenes in the movie Enchanted, and I don’t just mean the happily ever after scenes, I mean totally dumb non-romantic scenes.
5. Listening to my son Sam sing “Away in a Manger” in the van the other day. I am trying to teach the boys Christmas songs early so that during December I can post adorable videos of them showing off their mad music skills. But crying about it? Really?
6. My husband posting on my Facebook the other day that he loves me. Which was sweet and romantic and wonderful and everything, but possibly not worth the tears and the choking up.
7. The words “Tiny heart whose blood will save us” in the song “Welcome to Our World” by Chris Rice, which always make me get a little choky but now turn me into a big huge emotional crisis, especially when I tried to explain to my husband why I was getting emotional.
This is so not a complete list. I know I have cried more than that this week. But that should give you just a little taste.
Please do me a favor and don’t post anything sappy or too sweet in my comments, okay? Because if I keep crying all over the computer I’m likely to break it, and then I will be very sad.
Very, very sad.