This morning I walked into my boys’ room and found them both sitting on their beds, groggily staring into space. They were only moments from the normal morning insanity, where they bounce around the room destroying things until I come to remove them from their bedroom prison, but I had caught them still in that vulnerable just-awake state.

“Good morning, babies,” I whispered, and they both covered their eyes so I could turn on the light. They blinked as their eyes adjusted, and then suddenly Ryan was awake (and talking– the two are pretty much synonymous where Ryan is concerned).

“Happy birthday Mommy!” he sang out joyfully, with the kind of eagerness only a boy ten days from his own magical day of wonder and cake can dispay.

“Thank you, buddy,” I replied, digging through his drawer for something suitable (read: not requiring the iron) for him to wear to school. As I pulled out his last clean pair of underwear, I became aware that I was being scrutinized.

“Mommy, you look just the same as you did when you were only twenty-nine,” the ever-observant one remarked.

I guess it’s good to know that I didn’t turn overnight into a wrinkled hag. My nose has not developed a huge hook or a hairy wart. My hair has not become gray and stringy, mostly thanks to that box of hair dye that my mom and I spent some quality time with on Friday.

Undoubtedly I have changed in the last years, but thankfully it did not happen overnight. And while I would gladly look in the mirror today and see the me of ten years looking back, I would never choose to miss the tapestry of life that God has woven into me since the last time the first number in my age changed.

Ten years ago today I turned twenty. Since then I have visited China (and learned to use chopsticks, and watched the sunrise over the clouds somewhere over the Pacific ocean). I have fallen in love with and married the most wonderful man I could imagine. I have graduated from college with honors. I have seen the positive line on a pregnancy test four times. I have brought two amazing boys into this world, and I have grieved a son I will never know this side of heaven.

I have lived in two dormitories, two apartments, two duplexes, and a house since my twentieth birthday. I have experienced excitement over owning appliances. I have had the dubious joy of buying four different vehicles. I have planned family vacations, bought life insurance, learned how to shop for groceries, and become the creator of Christmas magic in my home. I have spent sleepless nights worrying about our finances, and I have seen God’s incredible faithfulness to provide for our needs.

In fact, through it all I have seen God’s faithfulness. Truly, that should be my theme as I reflect on the crows’ feet and gray hairs that thirty has brought along with it. What God has taught me about His faithfulness is worth a few more candles on my cake, worth a stronger pair of glasses, worth the diagnoses of arthritis and all the aches and pains that go along with it. Because His goodness and faithfulness are so much greater than all that. And His mercies are new every morning, even on my thirtieth birthday.

Great is Thy faithfulness, Oh Lord.


13 thoughts on “Thirty

  1. Thirty… coming soon to me as well. It’s good to know that I will Not experience an instantaneous transformation on that day (shy of dying of course). It sure is something to reflect on all the things that have transpired in the last ten, twenty, thirty years. Happy Birthday from the WyoWillsons, and last I saw, you don’t look like a prunish hag!

    P.S. We also have a first child who finds wakefulness synonymous with talking. Hmm…

  2. HAHAHA on your dad’s remark! LOL!!! πŸ˜€

    So, kids are fantastic in scrutinizing us. One day not that long ago Sage looked at me and said, Man, Mom, you don’t look old. Why thanks, Sage. No, serious, Mom. You are in your 30s and I would think you would look older or something but really, you don’t look any older than some of the teenagers I see at the school.

    What??? I think I treated him like the favorite after that remark for just a little too long. LOL!

    Then just a few nights ago as Ty and I are having one of those intimate moments, laying on our sides, gazing into one another’s eyes so lovingly, he belts out, Awe, look, honey, your crow’s feet look so cute….

    It is only by the grace of God that my lack of self control did not kick in. I mean, seriously, does a husband say that to a wife?

    You have put everything into a fantastic perspective, made me think back what I did in my 20s πŸ™‚

    Now, I’m going to go kill my cat for climbing the Christmas tree for the second time, and I’m going to quit typing because I just realized I blogged on your blog. LOL!!!!

  3. Your thirties will be wonderful! Kids getting more and more independent. More meaningful conversations with your kids and husband as things get deeper. More rewards for years of hard work. Enjoy every minute! And happy birthday!

  4. I always enjoy your blog, Erin. I love your outlook on 30. It’s much healthier than the panic a lot of people create on a big birthday. Congrats on your 30th. I hope you have many, many more.

    Love, Sarah

  5. Awesome blog and view on being 30 :)!!
    Thanks for putting things into perspective πŸ™‚
    Enjoy your 30s because before you know it, you’ll be….40!! ::gasp::

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