Haiku for a Hypochondriac

Last weekend (as in, the weekend before the weekend that ended three days ago), my son Ryan got sick. He had a fever, headache, sore throat– in short, he had all the symptoms of strep throat except for, you know, the actual disease. Of course by the time we took him to the doctor (because, as I mentioned, he was sick on the weekend), he was already on the mend, so that negative strep test and that lemonade-flavored dum-dum cost us about $90. Sigh.

Anyway.

Whenever Ryan gets sick, Sam also gets sick. Only he doesn’t really get sick, he just decides he is sick. As in, he feels fine unless he is bored or asked to do something he doesn’t want to do, at which point he must immediately find his special blankie and lay on the couch until he feels better.

Monday night he was perfectly fine when he and his brother were torturing Faildog by throwing blankets on her and laughing hysterically when she tried to extract herself, but when I made the startling proclamation that it was time to clean up, he suddenly was feeling very dreadfully sick and nothing would do but to lay on the couch and watch his brother clean up.

Wow, he’s lucky his mommy is so very gullible . . .

Anyway, last evening I was perusing the many marvelous blogs in my blog reader when I came across this marvelous post by the Meanest Mom. And, what can I say, it spoke to me. Inspired, I waxed poetic for several minutes in the comment section of her blog, and then I decided that this literary masterpiece should not be relegated to the comments in someone else’s blog, but should be given its own rightful place– a post of its very own!!!!

Well, a post of its very own to share with a whole bunch of pointless back story.

So (drumroll please), without any further ado, I present to you

Haiku for a Hypochondriac
the extended edition

Yes, Ryan was sick
Last weekend for two whole days.
No, you are not sick.

I made him jello.
You got to eat some as well.
I will not make more.

He laid on the couch.
You do not need to lay there.
For you are not sick.

You’ve played fine all day
Until I told you “pick up!”
I say it again.

I will make you cry.
Put this stinking junk away
Child, you are not sick!

You know I love you.
When you’re sick, dreams will come true.
Then you may lay there.

When you’re really sick,
You will have your own jello,
And medicine too.

In that far-off day,
I will sooth your fevered brow
And comfort you, too.

You will watch Thomas
And drink from a special cup
With a bendy straw.

But today, my son
Today you are not sick, dear.
Today you’re lazy.

Put your toys away.
Get up off the stinking couch
Son, you are not sick.

Love, Mommy

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6 thoughts on “Haiku for a Hypochondriac

  1. HAHAHAHA! I’m LOLing at what grandpa says! LOL!!!!!!! go ahead, give the kid a hot wheel and leave him alone, he’s sick. 😀

    LOL! my kids do the exact same thing. it drives me crazy. so i tell them to hurry up and clean up and as soon as they are done, then they can lay down. the quicker they move, the quicker they get to rest. HA!

  2. We loved the little poem!! Seems I remember someone else that would do the same thing as Sam. You married him – ha ha ha. I was surprised he didn’t try the same thing!! Hope everyone is well now.

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