I have to start this entry, which is bound to be wise, witty, and wonderful, by saying that I really truly adore blog entry titles that start with “In Which . . . .” They make me very happy.
And, if the title wasn’t enough to warn you, I really am going to careen recklessly from one topic to another, because several things in my life have been funny, entertaining, or annoying enough to make it into my blog lately but they haven’t and anyway most of them aren’t really worth a whole entry all for their very own.
This sentence/paragraph is just to make up for that last one.
So anyway, you all may not realize this, but I’m actually pregnant. The little gymnast growing within me, causing extreme discomfort through many kicks and other sensations which feel like there is something alive rolling around in my belly, is making life interesting in other ways. I am speaking now about using the bathroom.
The other night, during one of my 700 trips to the bathroom, I must have moved funny or something because there was this exciting crack and the entire toilet seat shifted. Go me. I had broken one of the bolts that holds the seat to the actual toilet.
When I was growing up there was this family joke that my mom was forever breaking chairs. I’m not sure how true it was since I can only remember her breaking two, and during one of those adventures I was sitting on her lap (and I was like, ten at least). But it still became the stuff of legend.
I have yet to break a chair, but I believe this is the second toilet seat I’ve broken. And that’s just embarrassing. Which is why I am so joyfully posting this on the internets for all the universe to see. Because I feel that embarrassment is only avoided if I share it with everyone. (This is another charming character trait I inherited from my mom– if breaking seats can be considered a character trait. Thanks, Mom.)
Anyway, our upstairs toilet has issues, particularly the issue that it clogs if you drop more than one square of toilet paper in it at a time. Consequently, I am the only person in my family who actually ever sits on the toilet, since for all serious business we use the downstairs toilet. This is a good thing, because otherwise my sons would have undoubtedly already fallen in at least three times since the seat was broken.
As it is, it is quite possible that at some point around 3am you might hear a bloodcurdling shriek coming from central Iowa. Never fear, it’s just me, falling off the broken toilet seat. I just hope my husband is home at the time to pull me out.
In completely unrelated news, I just want to shout out a big You’re WELCOME to the shockingly friendly person who I saved from getting a speeding ticket the other day. I assume he/she was friendly because he/she was using his/her car to make extremely forward advances to the back bumper of my minivan.
I am one of those people who do the speed limit, much to the chagrin of the poor, poor person stuck behind me on State Street the other morning. As soon as we got past all the cars parked by the curb, he/she was all about whipping out around me so that he/she could get to the red light two seconds ahead of me.
And that’s when the police officer came driving by.
So you’re welcome, friendly bumper-hugging person. Maybe next time you can save that finger for someone who didn’t just save you from getting a ticket. Love you smooches!!!
[Random Topic Change] Can I just say how glad I am that football season is over? I just really, really, reallywas over football season round about September. I’m glad that now it’s over itself too, at least for six months. And yes, I know, I might just get expelled from Iowa for publicly admitting my dislike for football. I’ll risk it.
And finally, I thought that everyone would like to know that my son Sam has living eyebrows.
“Mommy,” he told me oh-so-seriously the other day, “my eyebrows are asleep.”
“Yes. They sleep in the day and are awake all night long.”
“Well, that is very silly.”
“Mommy,” even more seriously, “that’s because they are owls.”
Well allrighty then.
>>I lied. I just ran my blog’s spellchecker, and I feel the need to at least mention the irony of the spellchecker in my blog not recognizing the word blog.
God bless America.