Anatomy of a Pregnant Woman

I was so excited to come home from work the other day to discover that in my absence my children had created some lovely artwork representing, what else, but ME in all my pregnant glory.

Let’s take a moment to investigate these creations, so that we can better understand the perspective of a young boy whose mother is expecting.

Sam created his picture using nothing but a piece of white paper and a pink gel pen. He has given us several fascinating items to consider.


1. First of all, we can’t help but notice that I have gotten so large that to Sam, my head is little more than a golf ball perched atop a very large, um, rectangle. It’s possible that I actually look like this from his height, which is kind of scary. Poor child. Maybe we should take him in for counseling.

2. Our eyes are now drawn to the fact that I am indeed carrying high. So high that my arm is nowhere even remotely attached to where my shoulder should be.

3. We observe that Sam has not failed to include the umbilical cord, although he seems a little vague as to what exactly the umbilical cord is attached to. Sam knows all about umbilical cords (or “ubilican cords”) because we have a fascination with belly buttons in this house, so the umbilical cord stump/belly button transition has been discussed in great detail. I really can’t wait to gross my children out when they see the real thing.

4. Sam apparently has not noticed that my legs have actually gotten shockingly fat. Or perhaps to him they just look shorter, which explains the length of the legs in this picture.

5. Next, we realize that Sam has not included one of my arms. I can only assume that said arm is meant to be behind my back, holding on for dear life, in true pregnant-woman-waddle fashion.

6. Finally, we see that Sam has included a most charming facial expression. This could say many things, but to me it says “oh my, I really wish I had made it to the bathroom before that last coughing spell.” However, this is open to interpretation, which really adds to the charm of Sam’s work.

Now we turn to Ryan’s masterpiece. Starting with the basic mediums of paper and crayons, Ryan has branched out and also included cutting and gluing techniques.


1. As we take in this lovely artwork, we can’t help but notice the extreme roundness of the subject’s face. The face is, in fact, so round, that the hair has all but disappeared. This is a startlingly accurate depiction of the way my face has become so much more attractive during this pregnancy. I choose to blame it on swelling and not on the no-bake cookies I made the other night.

2. We also immediately are drawn to the unique color of the face in this piece. Clearly this is a representation not only of these last, puffy weeks of pregnancy, but also of those special days last fall when I spent so much of my time with my face in the toilet.

3. Looking closely, we discover that Ryan has also included the umbilical cord in his drawing. We also see that in Ryan’s mind, the baby currently most resembles a swimming reindeer.

4. In spite of the lack of feet here, I am amazed by the observation skills of my son. He has captured the shape of my lower legs with shocking honesty.

5. The newfound broadness of my hips and thighs is also represented in this artwork.

6.  Clearly Ryan understands my feelings about this stage of pregnancy, as he has captured that classic hands-up I’ve-had-enough pose.

7. Finally, we see that my double chin has officially gotten so large that it has melded into my neck, adding greatly to the general beauty of my pregnant self.

Ah, the glories of pregnancy. And in case you don’t believe that I could possibly live up to these lovely pictures, I am including pictoral evidence. You can see that my sister is also gloriously pregnant as well. We are a tribute to our family, I’m sure.


P.S.– She started it.


8 thoughts on “Anatomy of a Pregnant Woman

  1. I seriously cracked up while reading this post…and your photos at the end are hilarious…sister like sister…so expressive! 🙂 I kinda wish I had some little artist re-create my pregnant self in crayon…or maybe I don’t. 😉 Either way, this is GREAT!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: