In Which I Prove My Love for America by Taking Terrible Pictures of my Children

This morning the Together family loaded up our redneck minivan (seriously, that’s a post for another day) and headed north to Small Town, Iowa, for that great and sacred Fourth of July establishment, the parade. The boys were in fine form, what with the climbing on furniture and breaking rules and doing exactly what they had just been told not to do. Iowa has apparently decided to celebrate our nation’s Independence by following up a week of gorgeous, mild, sunny weather with a cold, rainy, generally icky holiday weekend.

Thank you, Iowa. Oh how we love thee.

The rain had stopped this morning, so we decided to risk it and head up to the parade, which of course guaranteed that the rain would return. Just as we pulled into Small Town, Iowa, the drops started splattering against the windshield.

Being that we had no jackets, no umbrellas, and no chairs, and that we did have a baby dressed in an outfit that I bought before I realized that Iowa was in the mood for April this Fourth of July, we had no choice but to turn around and return to the Together residence.

But the children were just oh, so adorable and patriotic in their red, white, and blue that I had no choice but to drag out the camera and try to get some pictures.

BWUAHAHAHAHAHA.

And now I’m going to share them with you, because bad pictures of kids dressed in the colors of the flag really say “God bless America,” don’t you agree?

Beware the wild-eyed six-year-old, for he shall boss you to death if you are not on your guard.

A perfectly good shot, ruined by the pooping face.

Let’s see. In this one we have lots of special features, including distracting shadows, bad hair, a child looking over his glasses, and, of course, the fact that you can actually only see the top of the baby’s head.

Four-year-old: cute. Baby: Acceptable. Six-year-old: weird. Photographer’s big toe: In the picture.

Changing camera angles really helped a lot, don’t you think?

New plan. Get rid of hyperactive boys and take pictures of cute baby.

Ah, yes. Much better.

Much, much better.

Hey, it takes skill to blur out the baby and focus on the background like this.

Good concept. Poor execution.

Well, at least her ear is in focus.

A lovely shot of the entertainment center drawer. Too bad the baby got in the way.

For once in my life, words fail me.

Hey sweetie, hold her up in the air. Then I’ll get  a good shot. Like this one.

Focus is highly overrated.

See what I mean?

Hmmm. Maybe if I change the white balance on the camera, that will help.

Oh, yes. That certainly made all the difference.

If Gracie could talk, she’d be saying, “We’re done now, Mom. Time to give up.”

I did get a few shots that weren’t horrible. And because I’m pretty sure that the 400 pictures I’ve already posted really weren’t enough, here’s more!!!

Happy Fourth of July, everyone.