You know I love you. I spend so much time with you that you could never truly doubt my devotion. Through you I have reconnected with people who can remember me when I wore diapers, people who were my friends when I was missing my two front teeth, and people who knew me when my favorite shirt was stretchy silver velvet.
In light of my love for you, I would like to inform you of the following things, so that you never have to ever worry about them again.
1. I support cancer awareness. But the color of my undergarments is none of your business.
2. My children were big, bigger, and huge.
3. I support our troops.
4. I love Jesus and I believe in God and I don’t think He needs me to put it in my Facebook status to validate His existence or awesomeness.
5. I am not inspired to turn my hairstyle into some kind of creepy innuendo.
6. What I looked like when I was little is kind of like what my kids look like now, so if you really want to know, feel free to look at their pictures.
I hope that answers all your questions, dear Facebook. Thank you for reuniting me with friends and giving me the opportunity to play Scramble, see pictures of my niece’s birthday party, and also discover that my aunt had chili for dinner. You rock. Now leave me alone.