Dear Facebook,

You know I love you. I spend so much time with you that you could never truly doubt my devotion. Through you I have reconnected with people who can remember me when I wore diapers, people who were my friends when I was missing my two front teeth, and people who knew me when my favorite shirt was stretchy silver velvet.

In light of my love for you, I would like to inform you of the following things, so that you never have to ever worry about them again.

1. I support cancer awareness. But the color of my undergarments is none of your business.

2. My children were big, bigger, and huge.

3. I support our troops.

4. I love Jesus and I believe in God and I don’t think He needs me to put it in my Facebook status to validate His existence or awesomeness.

5. I am not inspired to turn my hairstyle into some kind of creepy innuendo.

6. What I looked like when I was little is kind of like what my kids look like now, so if you really want to know, feel free to look at their pictures.

I hope that answers all your questions, dear Facebook. Thank you for reuniting me with friends and giving me the opportunity to play Scramble, see pictures of my niece’s birthday party, and also discover that my aunt had chili for dinner. You rock. Now leave me alone.




8 thoughts on “Dear Facebook,

  1. this hits it right on! i was really not loving fb, but eventually it hooked me in. and now that i realized i can reply to one of those incessant emails fb sends me adn it will magically appear on fb, i am happy. thanks for the laugh tonight!

  2. PS: Facebook, if we could stop all the obnoxious e-mail forwards that have now started appearing as status lines, that would be awesome,

    Hugs and Smooches,

    Captain Huggy Face.

  3. LOL. I’ve had to restrain myself from commenting on people’s posting that “the reason 95% of the people on FB will NOT post this as their status is b/c they think it’s dumb.”

  4. I’m with you guys. 95% of people will not repost this because they’re smarter than to think their relationship with God/support of US troops/breast cancer survivors/one-legged goats is more conditional on a fbook status than on their behavior in real, physical life. And also? I will not join your farm or give you a bouncy winnie the pooh hug or send you a drink or get in a pillow fight with you. I am weirded out enough by the poking. Cut it out.

    Ha, rant much?

  5. I love it! I am so with ya. I get on FB to see what my fam and friends are up to, not to post about my bra or to let myself be bullied by peer pressure.

  6. I have to admit that I gave in on the retro picture bit but I reworded my status so that it’s implying that anyone not responding is a terribly awful person.

    I look forward to the day when we can choose to have NO apps show up on our wall! 🙂

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