And We Could Have Called It the Brainy Buffet

Once upon a time, I was twelve years old with all the world spread before my feet. Full of vibrancy, intelligence, and a deep love of Swiss Cake Rolls, I had only a year before thrown off the shackles of my mullet and moved on to bigger and better things, to deep purposes high beyond the comprehension of those not as awesome as I.

Finding myself full of lofty ambition and sparkling ability, I determined that I should put it to use, and thus it was that I began my journey to create an Epic Anniversary Evening for my parents.

We would have dim lights, romantic music, homemade food, and I would mastermind the entire event.

(Looking back at this occasion, I begin to see some similarities between my eldest and me).

My best friend’s mom was in on the secret, even baking for the big night if I remember correctly. I remember lying on Tammy’s bed, non-mulletted hair strewn over the pillow artfully, contemplating my parents and what would please and surprise them the most.

With the wisdom that only a junior high girl can attain, I decided that the best course of action would be to have a theme. Something romantic. Something that would just cry out “thank you for being awesome parents who have been married for sixteen years.”

Something like . . . corn.

I’ll give you a moment.

Okay.

Ready?

My maiden name was Cobb. And when my mother married into the Cobb family, she embraced the joyful punniness of a last name that is eternally the object of ridicule. Our kitchen was filled with corn. Not the “sheep’s in the meadow, cow’s in the corn” variety. But the “I was at a garage sale and they were getting rid of these hideous corn-cob shaped salt-and-pepper shakers and I thought of you!!!!” variety. I wish I had a picture. I don’t. But imagine a fairly small kitchen, and imagine a lot of knick-knacks, and imagine they all are corn-themed. And imagine the curtains, and put some corn on them too. And the fridge magnets. And the wall hangings.

So it was only natural that my seventh-grade brain would skip right over hearts or stars or pink gingham (which the bridesmaids wore in my mom’s wedding– cut her some slack, people, it was 1975) and land on corn.

We would call it The Corny Cafe.

There was even an apron shaped like a big ear of corn for my sister to wear as she waited on my parents. (That apron also inspired me to dress up as an ear of corn one year for Halloween, but we won’t go into that).

And when you’re going with a theme as versatile as corn, you save yourself a lot of hard work because as you all know, corn is a food. Which really made planning dinner easy.

The menu?

Corn
Corn muffins
Corndogs.

Ahhhh, romance.

I seriously thought this was genius. And my parents were gracious enough to eat it and not laugh or barf, and my friend’s mom was also gracious enough not to laugh, even though I’m sure they were having to bite the insides of their cheeks kind of a lot.

And I’m sure that night, as my parents prayed over their very yellow meal, they undoubtedly thanked God that our last name wasn’t Headcheese.

Although the curtains, they would have been fabulous.

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22 thoughts on “And We Could Have Called It the Brainy Buffet

  1. oh man, I needed that laugh.

    My maiden name was Cox. Lots of room for unfortunate jokes there… thankfully no themed anniversary parties though!

  2. I hope you realize that all of the things you did to your parents — regardless of how good your intentions were — will come back to haunt you with your children. It’s the Second Law of the Universe. The first law of the Universe is: Moms can’t get sick.

  3. Erin, I’m cracking up. You have to put this as a link on @annkroeker’s food friday tomorrow. It will lighten hearts. I can PICTURE this kitchen. What a sweet innocent daughter. 🙂 This made my day.

  4. “And I’m sure that night, as my parents prayed over their very yellow meal, they undoubtedly thanked God that our last name wasn’t Headcheese. ”
    Snort! Laughing here, and so very glad you linked up!

  5. Amen to that..NO HEADCHEESE..lol…Loved this post.

    Wonderful to meet another fellow daycare provider.

    I ADORE your banner. The pics of the children are just so precious.

    Congrats on being nominated top 100!

  6. Pretty much no one who grew up with our last name ever understood Jan’s corn collection. She finally gave it up when we moved to Nebraska, although there are still a few pieces of it around the house. We threw the corn telephone away just a couple of years ago, I think.

    I had forgotten about this anniversary, so thanks for the memory. I don’t recall thinking it was silly or gross, but it definitely was corny.

    Oh, and I think I still have the Wisconsin license plate that reads “CORNY4.”

  7. Wahaha. This is hilarious. My sisters and I did romantic dinners for our parents and their friends a lot…although come to think of it, they were always my mom’s idea, and she was always the brains of the operation. We just served the food. You know, I think I am catching on to her plan now, 20 years later…

  8. lol… this is so funny… reminds me of the time my girlies thought it would be romantic to sprinkle Hershey’s kisses on our bed (a la rose petals) before they left for summer camp… they wanted us to have a “romantic” weekend… only it was July and 100 degrees out… Why-o-why did they think it was more romantic to unwrap them??? I never did get the “poop” looking stains out of the vintage chenille bedspread… and my husband had a lot of apologising to do to the cat… who until we figured out it was chocolate was in a lot of undeserved hot water…

  9. Pingback: Food on Fridays: Leila’s Fast, Easy, Creamy, Cheesy Macaroni and Cheese «

  10. I made this HUGE reply to your comment that you left me on my blog, pressed sent to ‘non reply back’..so off I trott here..LOL..Here is the HUGE reply back for you sweetie…

    Hey Erin, I had to click on to see who you were..my first thing that came to my mind was,,’oh ya, she is the one that has those gorgeous children’…I have known about Internet Cafe..had done a few meme’s with them way back when last year,,lol.

    I HAD no clue this was going on..until I received the email from my friend. I completely understand about processing. I was like in a fog for about an hour trying to figure out how the heckeroni this all happened (well I KNOW it was our Father’s doing and boy did He surprise me)..lol

    I’m still in awe…when I say it is His doing, it is..to think ME…like oh my goodness gracious. Now that IS God!!

    Your blog is beautiful and what your write is a blessing. I love finding ‘sharpeners’ (proverbs 27:17) like you..helps me on this journey..

    blessings dear one.

  11. Bwahaha! This was great! I laughed all the way through. Thanks for making my morning. : ) I even needed a kleenex after I got done reading.

  12. Pingback: The Rat « Together for Good

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