His brother is in Omaha this week, getting royally spoiled by my parents.

Without a constant companion, Bubs isn’t sure what to do with himself. Art and I aren’t very good at Legos, you know. And Squeezy mostly just likes to steal them for a little choking opportunity snack.

He’s been reading a lot. About the Titanic, mostly. And he’s been watching some TV, and helping out a bit, and today he went to the library with Art.

Tomorrow is his last day of school. Deserving of a treat, I think. First grade– survived.

He’s a great kid. Spending time with him this week, while he’s been hanging around more without a brother to hole up in the basement and make evil plans with, it’s been good.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this son, about parenting, about how tall he’s getting and how many things he knows and how innocent he still is. I think about the young man he is becoming– the man he will be someday– and how I am influencing him.

Do I bake him cookies enough? Do I tell him I love him enough? Am I teaching him the right things?

None of us has a perfect mother, and my son is no different. I am so far from perfect it hurts sometimes.

I don’t garden, don’t sew, don’t hang my clothes on the clothesline. I don’t recycle or feed my kids organic foods or even put the laundry away half the time.

I don’t pray with them often enough, don’t gather them around the table after breakfast to read God’s Word. I don’t know how to answer all his questions or what I will do when he asks the really tough ones.

Some of these things need to change, will change, are changing. Some of them will probably never change. I am surely no supermom. I’m just a woman, blessed with three children and praying for the grace to get through.

Oh Lord, make me worthy of this task.


7 thoughts on “Bubs

  1. I’m not sure if I’m ever going to be good at this… And I know I’ll never be worthy!! I just lucky if I have clean underwear at the start of each day. Oi

  2. and again with the tears. i suppose, because my prayer is the same. make me worthy… and i know the only thing that gets us by is grace. just keep on truckin’ my friend… i can already see the way the beauty shines through their hearts and eyes… and i bet it is so much brighter in real life than it is through this darn computer screen 🙂 and i think God’s grace is covering it all… yes, including you!

  3. Erin — another way to look at this is — God chose you and Art to be this child’s parents. God knows what He’s doing. Even when we make mistakes.

  4. i’m not a super mom either erin. and i’m really struggling in this area right now.

    i need God’s grace to be tangible.

    enjoy your time with your boy.
    go for ice cream, just the two of you. my son loves stuff like that.

  5. Recently at my prayer/accountability group after I had shared something, a friend pulled me aside and said, “Marcus, you are too hard on yourself. You don’t have to fix the world or your family or even yourself. Take it easy. Relax.”

    I’m still wound as tight as a drum, but his advice gave me pause. Maybe I try too hard sometimes? Maybe?

    Simple stuff matters. Time matters. Presence matters. Maybe the best way to teach our kids about God’s love is to love them like God does–which could be as easy as denise said. Take him out for ice cream.

    (Or for my son, on a nature walk where we can catch bugs. That’s even cheaper than ice cream!)

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