10.20.10

The screen is blank and the cursor blinks and my heart is full but none of its fullness will form itself into words and drop quietly into being like tears.

We seek to live in faith and to not worry, but we fail. We seek to be strong, to put on the brave face, to smile and encourage and uphold, and He gives grace in the moment and brings us through even though it was never really about us anyway.

My dad is okay. And now that I am home, all I am is tired and spent and full of things that I don’t know the words for.

A day spent in waiting room chairs and a hospital cafeteria and the driver’s seat of my van with the music keeping me sane. These days aren’t the kinds of days we ever hope to experience.

I am so full. And so empty.

I am so thankful. So blessed.

Tonight I rest in the arms of my best friend, while our little people snore their little people snores in the room next door.

8:21 and all is well.

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9 thoughts on “10.20.10

  1. I’m glad your dad is safely out of surgery and on his way to recovery. I hope the rest of your week is lovely and peaceful. Well, as peaceful as it can be with three children. 🙂

    hugs from me too. 🙂

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