I am caught in a whirlwind and I cannot stand against it.
My own small tragedies swirl around with the momentous miseries of the world
And I am lost.
A friend’s son with cancer–
Another earthquake in Japan–
Doubt and questions about the future–
Everywhere, everywhere loss and suffering and pain.
Around and around
And I am dizzy, and confused, and hurt
And yes, I am angry, and afraid.
My faith feels very small.
My thoughts spin and the world spins
And everywhere, everywhere the evil of one man’s fall
multiplied by his billions of sons and daughters
and the groaning of the earth,
And I cry out with millions of other voices,
I am not like Job.
I do not sit in the ashes of my grief and say simply,
“He gives and takes away– blessed be His name.”
I do not know how.
It is easier to give in to the anger.
But Oh, God, a life without You,
Without knowing Your mercy and grace,
Without believing in Your steadfast love–
This is a life not worth living.
You are God, God over all,
And we cannot understand the devastation,
But that does not change You.
You are love.
Oh Lord, I believe.
Help my unbelief.