I Am . . .

Photo by my dad, Irv Cobb

I am listening to the wind blow and pandora sing and my sons play and my daughter chatter on and on

I wonder how the living room got so messy and what that smell is and where all those napkins on the floor came from

I hear that some people have clean houses and quiet lives, but I’m not sure I believe it

I see it’s almost time to make dinner again and I forgot to thaw the chicken

I want to sit here and find out what quiet is like, and maybe drink a frappucino too

I am thinking that’s not likely to happen

I pretend to have it all together when I go to church on Sunday morning or to the store on Monday afternoon

I feel like maybe if they knew what my laundry room or my refrigerator looked like, they would not want to know me anymore

I touch a sticky counter or a grimy faucet and I roll my eyes

I worry that I am failing my children and that I will never find my other brown shoe and about the future

I cry when I cut onions and whenever I see a newborn baby and over how tall they all are getting, my babies

I am a mess on so many levels

I understand very little about much of anything, even though

I say I am my children’s teacher and give my opinion when my husband asks and offer my two cents (or maybe twenty) during Sunday School

I dream of being so much more

I try to be who I want to be, who He wants me to be

I hope someday I will look back and remember that all this messy and crazy life was beautiful, too

I am learning to see that beauty


7 thoughts on “I Am . . .

  1. Yes! Beauty is SO MUCH MORE than just a clean house, children who are impeccably dress with clean faces, an impressive blog, and matching brown shoes {grin}! I have to remind myself of that often.
    “Be who HE wants me to be. . .” My focus as I go through my busy messy life today!

  2. I think those homes are always cleaned the instant before I arrive, that helps me.
    I respect your faith, mine is not directed in the same way but the feelings and responses you describe are universal. I see the beauty

  3. Sometimes I feel like that, I just want a little bit of silence for a few minutes that’s all, but with kids, a house to clean, and a husband to attend it seems impossible. And I do too say the same thing to myself “I try to be who I want to be, who He wants me to be”

  4. Pingback: We Are.. {Writing Me Wrap-up} | Bigger Picture Blogs

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