A Poopy Kind of Day

You may be wondering why I am sitting here at eleven in the morning with wet hair and sweatpants on. You may be wondering why we are taking such a long break from our morning schoolwork, why the whole house smells like bleach, why the breakfast dishes are still dirty, and why I’m doing laundry on a non-laundry day.

Well. Let me tell you.

Once upon a time, on a Tuesday, my children were exceptionally cranky. So I told them no alarms in the morning. Sleep in on Wednesday. So they did. Of course, by the time everyone was sitting down to breakfast it was getting kind of late. Late enough that I decided to leave the breakfast dishes and wash them up while the kids were doing independent work. This was a brilliant plan.

Another result of the sleeping in was that my husband was in the shower when my daughter woke up this morning. Why should this matter? Oh, it does. You see, she had to go potty very badly when she got up. But her dad was in the shower and had the bathroom door locked. So she ran down to the downstairs bathroom and relieved herself, not in the toilet, but in her little pink potty chair.

This is relevant.

Around 10:30 this morning I left the boys to the joys of math worksheets and handwriting practice and came down to clean up the kitchen. Squeezy followed me, as she always does, all around the house, every day, wherever I go, whether I want company or not . . .

That last bit wasn’t really relevant.

I was rinsing cereal bowls when I heard “Mommy! I went poop!” Squeezy isn’t so good at cleaning herself up yet, so I went to help her out, and in so doing, I went to my doom. See, nobody had even been in that bathroom since Squeezy had put her highly concentrated morning tinkle in her little potty. So it hadn’t been emptied before she had done her business. The translation of this is that it was very full, and significantly grosser than usual.

Which means that, when I went to empty it into the toilet and dropped it, and when it bounced off the toilet seat, the bathroom and all its contents were sprayed with– well, you get the idea. And I was, as it were, in the front row to this little disaster.

Which is why I am freshly showered and wearing the only pair of clean pants I could find, my yellow sweatpants, and why my bathroom smells like bleach, and why my dishes still aren’t washed, and, most importantly, why I am about to go snitch a couple of those little Snickers bars from the trick-or-treat candy. Some things just require chocolate. LOTS of chocolate.

So. How’s YOUR day?

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7 thoughts on “A Poopy Kind of Day

  1. is it okay if i smiled at this story? i only smiled because I have had the front row to many disasters. poopy ones, too. i read this, remember my own and feel grateful to have survived it.

    oh, and i would have eaten more than a couple of snicker’s bars.

  2. Well, since you asked – I spent an hour or so last night holding the head of my oldest over the toilet as he emptied the contents of his stomach. So we slept in also, and he didn’t go to school, much to his dismay and amidst the tears and disappointment his little brother who was wailing tears of his own in sympathy for his brother, emptied the contents of his stomach in my lap, so I had two showers this morning.

    I think I shall go raid the candy bowl too!

    Blessings on the rest of your day.

  3. Oh. Oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH. That is one thing I didn’t have to do yesterday. Shop for a new car and a new place to live? Yes. Clean poop off every surface in the bathroom? No. Mercifully.

    I hope the rest of your day required less bleach. 🙂

  4. I had one of those days! The power was out due to Sandy and on top of all that goes with having no power the dog rolled in somethings poo when he went out to relieve himself. He smelled up the whole house and I had no running water. I also had a screaming head and neck ache for some reason and of course it was REALLY cold since we had no heat. Good thing God made chocolate!

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