How Julius Caesar Met Cleopatra– a Dramatic Reenactment*

Once upon a time, Julius Caesar, the most powerful man in Rome, was sitting on his throne contemplating his belly button and whether he could use it to take over the world.

Suddenly the quiet of his contemplations was interrupted by a herald proclaiming that a visitor from Alexandria had arrived– a visitor bearing a gift.

The visitor bowed before Julius Caesar.

“Rise,” said Caesar, in a dreadfully imposing voice.

“Oh great Caesar!” cried the visitor. “Will you accept this gift from the fair Cleopatra, queen of Egypt?”

“What is it?” asked Caesar.

“It is a carpet!”

“Oh, I don’t know. I have a lot of carpets already,” Caesar sighed in a bored voice.

“Not like this one!” replied the visitor from Egypt. “This one is pink and has pictures of princesses on it!”

“Ooooooh!” said Caesar. “I don’t have one of those! Let me see it!”

The visitor unrolled the carpet with a flourish, and Lo! It contained a woman!

It was the fair Cleopatra herself!

“Oh, Caesar! Have mercy on me! I need your help ruling the people of Egypt! Two of my husbands (who were also my brothers) have died under suspicious circumstances and I fear for my life! Without the power of Rome behind me, I am sure to be murdered and my beautiful batting eyelashes and long luxurious hair will be only a memory! Oh, Caesar! Save me!”

“Okay,” said Julius Caesar. “As long as we can stop for tacos on the way.”

“Also,” added Caesar. “Do you think it’s possible we could use my belly button in some way?”

“Um, no,” said Cleopatra. “But don’t I have beautiful batting eyelashes and luxurious long hair?”

And she did. So Julius Caesar fell in love with her and gave her a big kiss.

The End.

*may not be 100% historically accurate